Marital Eruptions and Brain Neuroplasticity

Marital Eruptions and Brain Neuroplasticity

Before I begin the inspiring tale of how brain neuroplasticity can change your life, let me set the backstory for the marital eruption that took place in our home last weekend. Some would laugh at the term eruption, maybe labeling it more “spark” or “puff of smoke,” but for two incredibly sensitive, empathetic, and terrified of anger type personalities, it was a bloody Sunday. And as a backstory, to the backstory, first let me lay out for you the requests I have made of my dear husband, Atma, in the last six months. As much as I desperately want to, I will not go into the reasoning behind these requests, because I am creating a new behavioral pattern of not explaining or justifying my quirky behavior to anyone else. So, I will open myself up to judgment and pretend like I don’t care what you think, even though I secretly care. A lot. (But one day I won’t, so as my Mama says, I’m going to “fake it till I make it.”)

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made to love her. all of her.

made to love her. all of her.

This spring marks the three year anniversary of my first tip-toe exploration into the awakening of self-love. The journey, as all journeys do, has taken me through joy and expansion, but also through depths of despair and hopelessness. What is being revealed along the way is that while spiritual longing has always been a central part of who I am, I was using that as yet another way to "fix" myself and to escape. And when I saw that so clearly, I entered into a deep grieving period. During this same time period, I fell in love with a wonderful man and for the first time entered into a transparent relationship rooted in truth. While this was an answered prayer, it also took away yet another escape route. Basically, I was forced to face all of my bullshit. And I panicked. I got sick. I felt as if I was starting over. Re-learning how to pray. How to meditate. How to loosen up. How to ride the sometimes tumultuous wave of the feminine flow. How to love myself even, and especially, when I was far from having the answers.  I have been hesitant (AFRAID) to share the full transparent picture of my successful and failed attempts at self-love. Until recently. Others have truly inspired me. Women who have gone before me and opened themselves to the rawest state and shared it with everyone. And as I observe the effect of these beautiful beings' truth on my soul, I know to the deepest part of me that I was made to do this. It is so simple. I was made to love Her. All of Her.

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